‘Flying’ Hare Coursing - - - - - - - - !
Run No: 1063 Date: Monday 26th. July 2010
Venue: The Flying Horse. Smarden.
Hare: Fat Controller
Scribe: Fat Controller
Now it’s not very often you lot get a chance to do a bit of ‘hare coursing’ do you? For some of you it might even be your first time?
Well, last Monday for a change, I decided to test you lot out! “How?” I hear you say. By setting a ‘live hare’ run!
To successfully set a ‘live hare’ run, you need to plan meticulously, know intimately the ground you will be covering, and give yourself enough time. The trail must be set with lots of falsies and loops so that the ‘pack’ will not be able to catch you, the ‘hare’ before the end of your trail. This is boring! It’s far better to have a typical hasher’s ‘liaise faire’ attitude, and a Mr. MaGoo’s “I’ve been here before.” dogma, even though it’s been some years since you had - and go for it!
My approach was the latter!
However, one thing I did right! I hid the beers close to the beerstop before setting off. The rest is history, as I now recall.
As the church clock chimed 6:00pm, Gaye the barmaid opened the pub. I checked that the grub was ready, and left a map for Sweet FA who knew I was ‘live haring’. “Wow! An hour and a half lead, more than enough time to get well past half way round before the pack sets off.” I thought to myself, and set off on my merry way!
The first bits around ‘Vesper Hawk’ and the village were OK, and then, as I was setting the falsies near the Village Hall Lady Madonna and Cowpat in their second hand Ford Jag, pulled up beside me and asked where the pub was! Then, it was over the Beult and off across the cowpat strewn fields to Windybanks and the Romden Castle folly ‘check’. It was here I that I found a really nice hubcap lying by the roadside. I placed it beside the ‘check’ for Pissticide, as he likes to collect them!
Anyway, this where the story really starts! Did you know that landowners/tenants are responsible for maintenance of gates/stiles on public rights of way? They are! The following text is from correspondence from the KCC. ‘On many occasions throughout the years the County Council has undertaken repairs to stiles, however this is without prejudice to the landowners’ ongoing responsibility. The County Council has to offer 25% of replacement/repair of these structures. Landowners are also responsible for keeping arable fields clear of crops and delineating the line of the path on the ground. They are also responsible for any over - hanging vegetation.’ Did they?
Did they, f*ck! Running a bit late, I thought the next stretch to Maltman’s Hill and into Dering Wood would be plain sailing, so took the footpath to head (who said head?) north. First fields, - no problems. Next field, no way markers, a broken stile and unclear footpaths with over-hanging vegetation led into Snapmill. From there through Mainey Wood Farm, new roads and farm buildings have obliterated the route of the footpath.
Even worse, it took me over 15 minutes of searching to find the stile into Maltman’s Farm, which was broken, hidden by overgrowth behind a new earth embankment, piles of rubble, a scrap car and other materials too dangerous to climb over! Angry, I climbed the earth bank through the trees and found an easier way to the stile, retraced my steps and re-laid my marks closer together.
Through Maltman’s Farm: no problem to fingerpost on the Pluckley Rd. Here an old house has been modernised, and again, the land behind is overgrown, and with no way markers to the railway crossing.
Frustrated, I dropped off the beer and headed (who said ‘head’ again?) into Dering Wood when I heard the shouts of ‘On On!’ following close on my heels. “The beerstop will delay them!” I thought, as I frantically fled, dropping flour and being bitten by insects through the wood. A faint ‘On On’ warned me that the pack were back on my heels. Then I got lost! Trying to get out of the wood, I laid falsies and loops until I legged it over a fence into the corn field and on to the footpath that led to Oaklands Farm, whilst in the wood; the pack had fallen strangely silent. Much to my relief, my cunning ruses had worked. They had bought me more time!
Easy going now! Just on 2 kliks to get back to the pub, when I heard and the saw the pack FRBs emerge from the wood. Legging it, I made for the rail crossing, keeping to the hedgerows to keep hidden. Skirting around the field after Lewd Lane kept me hidden, but the shouts were getting closer. Keeping pace and my nerve, I crossed Mill Lane, laid a false ‘check’ and the ‘ON INN’, then legged it across The Minnis towards the pub.
The church clock chimed 9:00pm as ran the High Street. In the pub, Lady Madonna and Mrs. Rogeringsome looked aghast as I sweatily entered and ordered a pint of ‘Spitfire’. Then, before it had touched my lips, FRBs Le Cock Sportif, Sweet FA, Donkey Oaty and Four-stroke entered the pub.
It had been a close run thing - but I had made it!
Sweet FA went outside and noted that one of the cars looked like Camp Fairy (Ann)’s. Apparently, he had turned up late and set off to catch up.
Eventually, the stragglers came in, in various states of disrepair, and ‘Circle Up’ was called by acting RA Diving Belle! Then, for some reason, Pissticide leapt into the ‘Circle’ wearing a grey hooded cape thingy, wielding a sword and shield with an ‘N’ scrawled on it in chalk no doubt standing for ‘Norman’ – ‘cos he always has to be on the winning side. Funnily enough, the Kent tribes kept their sovereignty as they did not capitulate to William the Bastard! Is our GM Pissticide not a ‘Man of Kent’?
Diving Belle ran the ‘Circle’ like clockwork, as down – down’s were dished out for the usual misdemeanours!
Back in the pub, T-Bar Twin reported that she had caught her leg in some buried wire on the earth mound at Mainey Farm, and then just as the last of us were leaving at 10:30pm, Camp Fairy (Ann) arrived back at the pub! He too had had difficulty finding the trail at Mainey Wood Farm, decided to head (someone’s just said ‘head’ again!) back, and landed up in Bethersden! 2010 Mark O’Polo Award contender? ON – ON!
Local knowledge has it that the new owner of Mainey Wood Farm is a ‘get rich quick’ Londoner who thinks he ‘owns’ the land. As I’ve written before, when you encounter problems with blocked footpaths, report them to Kent County Council Footpaths and Rights of Way Department, as it saves you having to face ignorance, and if potential accidents such as T-Bar Twin’s near miss should prove serious or fatal, it is the landowner who is accountable.
Also, on a Health & Safety perspective, it is up to the hare to ensure that no undue risks are encountered.