Not Quite - Following in ‘me Father’s footsteps!’
Run No: 1059 Date: Monday 28st June 2010
Venue: The Hooden on the Hill. South Willesborough. Drofhsa.
Hare: Sweet FA
Headcorn. 6:30pm. I’m on the landline to Bouncer, putting the final touches to the EastBourneO Trash when my mobile rings: “Hello, Dad. What time did you say you’d be at the pub?” “7o’clock, why?” I answered. “I’ve run out of flour – can you? - - “ “No! It will be a darn sight quicker you going to Tesco - -.“ “But I’ve got to get there - and then 15 minutes at the check - out. You can get here quicker?” (Thinks: Why can’t he phone his sister?) Then - the ‘Parental thingy’ kicked in! “Yep! OK! I’m on my way!” Tell Bouncer I’ve gotta go. Find flour. In hash chariot. Then, bat out of hell driving 14 miles to Ashford. F*ck up finding the pub, even though I’ve set the only other four runs from here before! (Cnut!). Mobile rings – Plod following me! “F.C. It’s MaGroin. I won’t be there tonight, just got a ’pole dancing’ job in Etchinghill.” (that, dear reader - is where he lives) “Yeh! OK! I’ll pass it on to the ‘Circle.” Phone errant offspring: “Where are you?” “Erm? Setting the last bit, I err, got some flour from home.” (Bigger Cnut!)
7:30pm. Orangeboom took ‘centre stage’ as RA - calling ‘hare’ Sweet FA into the ‘Circle’. Drawing deftly in chalk, Sweet FA described the marks, as instruction was given to ‘new boots’ Christine and teen daughter Jasmine. And – there was a beer stop! Pissticide then gave the weather forecast, and On - On! And so the pack disappeared down the alley opposite the pub.
Crook – Woody and I receded to the bar, where he ordered two pints of Funky Gibbon’s Landlord (excellent as always), and as we sat down to have a chat, Lady Madonna appeared from the garden. For the next half hour or so, we put the world to rights over Wood Pecker’s experiences with his broken elbow and the DWP. My loss of JobSeekers allowance of £64.30/week because I’d gone abroad for a week’s holiday, which cost the British State (Us the taxpayers!) more than four times that to administer, and the problems that Lady Madonna has had with getting proper care from the NHS for her elderly mother, who is ‘dosed up’ in the QEQM Margate! She also told us that she has got her paint pots and easel ready to ‘make a fortune’ by painting her mum dead on her deathbed.
Then, Stormin’ turned up, resplendent in black t-shirt and baggy ‘It ain’t ‘arf ‘ot Mum’ khaki shorts. In fact, there was so much ball room in there – you could hold a dance! (Needle, nardle, noo!) Anyway, we all had a really good laugh, whilst Stormin’ and I - on occasion, surreptitiously admired the barmaid’s assets.
8:50pm. First back, Camp Fairy (Ann) disturbed our morose jollity, followed by ‘returnee’ Game Boy and Orangeboom. Then it was out to the ‘Circle’.
Having missed the run, I had no idea, apart from the ‘hare’, for what reason Down – Down’s were being given, but there was a new young harriette who was celebrating her 18th Birthday. Game Boy and a young lad who looked like the brother of the young harriette were ‘apparently’ seen canoodling also had a Down – Down! NO POOFTERS! Followed by other trumped charges in true hash tradition.
Afterwards, ‘new boot’ Christine admitted that both she and her daughter had really enjoyed their first outing with us!
If somebody can write something about what went on during the run - All to the good!
Do it, and ADD it to this text, and have the honour and pleasure - of joining the International ‘hash elite’ who care to scribe a ‘Trash’ every week!
ON - ON! Fat Controller
(The original and genuine Mole of Kent , who's still of politically incorrect intent)
Note: ‘Cnut’ was a Viking King of England and most of Scandinavia (EFTA) before the Norman invasion (EEC) of ‘1066’ –which incidentally is an FoTMH3 event you should all have by now signed up for!
(See how many words you can make with the letters CNUT?)
‘Drofhsa’: Why did I use this word? During the Cold War I always thought that if the Russians invaded they would change the names of places and towns to their own language. Working in Ashford at this time, I realised that if you said it backwards it really sounded ‘Russian’, as does the ‘the free English State hand-outs’ system to Eastern European immigrants known as – ‘Noitutitsni’. We are able to do something about changing it!